I'm Sorry... But I don't want to be just like you...

11:04pm Friday, 21 May, 2010.

So, finally it ended that my blog is “the shoulder” that I lean to at times I feel like crying. I am so burden... Its 2:44a now and I still can't sleep. After what happened at 11:04pm, which is hours ago, I really can't close my eyes and rest down my body. It’s a time I will not forget. A time my heart bleed, a time my brain worried. I trembled down to earth thinking of what have I said and done hours ago. I’m so sorry and I didn’t mean it. In fact, I never meant to do it. Now I don't know to whom should I say and cry my heart out. It seems to be only this blog could understand me. It seems like this blog is the only person I would really say about what I really do feel...
 

I know I need this blog. I feel so miserable. Bad like I’ve never been bad before. Bad like I'm should buried alive.. I'm sorry God. I'm so sorry... I never meant to bring this over the limit. I just crossed the boundary. I'm so sorry. I couldn’t say anything more. I even couldn’t express myself now. I'm just so sorry. I'm been bad, really bad...
 

Now God.. I pray for a heartening from you... I know I don't deserve anything from you... I don't.... I'm a rock-headed and a sick-hearted type of person. I am a bad man. God, if I have the chance, please stop this stream that’s non-stop falling down from my eyes to my cheeks... I can't take it any longer... after years of struggling not to cry finally I cried. Its the second time since 8 years ago. Its the second time... Maybe, I'm just too fragile... I need to be stronger after this. I won't cry again, I promised to myself. But for now God, I know even I cannot stop this stream of tears... It’s too painful... Too painful that I couldn’t hide and hold back my tears. I'm sorry... I'm just sorry...

I won't forget this day like I never forget those other important days of my life... too much happening... It is too much for me to comprehend... I'm sorry.... I'm just so sorry......................It’s 3:05am.. I don't know what should I do now... I'm lost...