SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,'Hi'
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry
through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

*I'm not the owner of the copyright of this poetry. 
*Just trying to spread this beautiful poetry... ^_^

Officially a Manager...

Dear diary,

So, last Friday, Ms Annie Officially appointed and announced me as the Manager of her Restaurant. Ouch… Yeah… I know I’m lucky to be trusted… But that just put more burdens to my shoulder. It’s not like I don’t wanna be the Manager, but with all the responsibilities I’m carrying now… I think one more responsibility and I am drowned. Well, I am managing a 5 star Japanese Restaurant with another person, Zio (a Korean guy) in KK Times Square which is newly established this year. Since it is still new, I’m doing a lot of efforts to develop the business. Then, I also is now taking caring of a Spa Therapy on behalf of Ms Annie located in Warisan Square. Well, I was hoping that, that’s the only thing I need to manage, well, unfortunately I’m wrong. The most important thing in my job is to manage the Marine Tour (travel agency) together with Ms Annie. I need to deal with all the managers of Hotels, Resorts, Golf and Country Clubs in Kota Kinabalu, Kuala Lumpur, Penang, Langkawi and Brunei.

Now, in addition to my responsibilities, my lovely Ms Annie is asking me to be the Manager of a Korean Restaurant in KK Times Square (Myung Ga Restaurant). Oh my…. I told some my friends about what Im been up to these days, and they say “you’re one damn lucky bastard!”… Really? Am I lucky? Well, maybe yeah true that I’m lucky to have the chance to gain these valuable experiences others don’t have the chance to have. I just hope that I am not burden too much with my job and I do the best in whatsoever I ought to face after this. Ermmm… I feel much lighter after I poured everything that I wanna say on this blog. This blog is seriously helping me… I’m feeling so much better now…]

(^_^)

“Busy”. That word can’t stop me from enjoying my life to the fullest…

Click above video. It's a nice song. I like it!  (^_^)"!

So, ever since months ago I’ve been up to many things and business… Being a Personal Assistant makes me to be a very busy man. But still I’m able to manage my time and I’m enjoying myself even how busy I am with my work. I start working at 9AM but I constantly coming early at 8:15AM every day, and suppose to finish working at 6PM, but I always try to finish everything and return home at 8PM. Which then, I’ll find a freakin’ good restaurant to have a pleasure of my dinner (I like BBQ House Restaurant). Sometimes after I finish working, I’ll go to watch movie at Centre Point while waiting for my dad to fetch me up. Just after I arrived home, I’ll take my bath, refresh my body with cold water and lay my fresh body in my bed… phoning (calling) someone would be necessary before I close my eyes and sleep peacefully…

Every so often I work on Saturday, depending whether Ms Annie needs me or not. If I worked on Saturday I’d be working only half day which is until 12noon. Then I’m free like an eagle/crow/dove or whatever kind of bird it is... =D So, on Saturday… I typically go for a movie or two, purchase clothes, wander around town, gobble up my lunch at restaurant I never went before, eat ice cream, go to the beach (Tanjung Aru beach), eat satay there, stop and stare at the orange sunset, ready to sleep… while laying down the green grass with the fresh breeze blowing in my face… I like killing my time at Tanjung Aru for 1 or 2 hours. Just when the evening shadows show up and the sky turns from orange to brown, I’ll go run (seriously running) 15 minutes to the bus station at Tanjung Aru Plaza. Arriving at the Bus terminal with all the sweats wet out like rains, I wait for Inanam bus with the feeling of satisfaction that I’ve enjoyed my Saturday fully… =)

How bout Sunday activities? Ermmm… Most of the time I do the same things like I usually do on Saturday. But, at times I will go out of KK town, for instance going to Manukan Island, Sapi Island and enjoy Chicken BBQ with Mr Don. I go to Labuan on Sunday occasionally and to anywhere I my heart and mind compasses me to go…

So, I have three particular spots which “human being” usually can find me… hehehe… When you can’t find me elsewhere, you will find me here. The three places for sure a secret… but let me give few hints.. The first place is a famous beach in Kota Kinabalu close to Shangri La Resort. Second spot is one of the waterfronts in Kota Kinabalu… and the third spot is a Restaurant. A well-known restaurant in Asia with Red colour as it’s official colour located in Bandaran, facing the Round About.

These three spots are the special spots which I always go at times I’m upset, sad or feel like wanna cry. These are the places I drop tears, think deeply. It’s the place where I can be me, where I am in the most fragile state… That’s why it’s my special spots…

So yeah… I might look busy… but still I enjoy myself… For people out there too… Don’t let the word “busy” take away your life… You are the King of your life. If you are a bad King, your life will be miserable, but if you’re a good King, you’ll have a glorious Kingdom. Enjoy your life to the fullest, live a day like you’re living the last day. Do the craziest things, your mind can think of… Be wild and crazy. Just don’t drag your self into some of the things that can destroy yourself (taking drugs and stuff). That means killing yourself, not enjoying yourself. (^_^)

It's time to let go...

I heard a voice whispering to my ears.. "It's time to open your heart.."

Maybe it's just the right time to move on and give chance to other people.. I love you too much Anyee... But, maybe you're just a dream and will stay always as a dream that can't be true...

These past few months, I've met lots and lots of people... Good and bad, beautiful and not.. I can't open my heart to them even how hard they tried.. not because I don't want to open it.. But, I don't have the key for my own heart... It's with you... I guess I should not wait for the key to return back to me... It's time to throw this old lock and build a new one.. I love you Anyee, but you let go... It's time to let go now... I will give chance to another person after this...

Life...

There is no guarantee that this life is easy...

List of Job for today...

Dear diary,

Singapore - Johor Charter Bus

• Deal with alliance charter bus in Singapore.
• Deal with sales and marketing department.

Project Manager

• Need a project manager for 36 Villa.
• Will be constructed in 2011.
• Need a young, intelligent project manager.

Kuala Lumpur Car Rental (Charter Bus)

• Replace MyFlow Car Rental.
• Not good. very rude when replying.

Myung Ga

• Rental reduce.
• Send letter to the manager.
• Ask address from Miss Annie.
• Myung Ga Stamp promotion ( 10 Stamps)
• Myung Ga Parking promotion. *please go and see the manager to ask how much.
• Myung Ga DBKK. *Fill in the form for Myung Ga, give Doctor Resits to Bany. Need money.

Jasmine Operator.

• Search for Jasmine operator.
• Go with Natalie for Body spa massage and foot massage this Saturday.

Check with Sam if Digi already terminate;

• Call him.

Caribbean

• Newspaper
• Check the price for Caribbean
• Promotion. check at nearest company.

Contract rates

• All Resorts, Hotels and Golfs in Kota Kinabalu, Kuala Lumpur, Langkawi, Pulau Pinang.
• Filing.

Jasmine

• Cheuqe for Jasmine from Mizume, and Muhibah.
• Check with Marisel.

Caribbean

• on 11 November 2010, 20 November 2010.
• Need to know for confirmation.

Nexus RATE

• VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT!

Best Wintage & whine

• RM2000 (cash or chueqe). Payment and form.
• Fill up the credit form and send to them.

Jasmine Contractor

• Project is done. Sky Lift is appointed. Out of unit construction.
• Jasmine Spa. From Nexus -RM20, From Rasa Ria RM-10, From Novotel- RM10, in the city - Free. Magellan Sutera is free.

Daily Express.

• Deal for the lost of 3 days.

Work Permit for Korean (Miss Annie)

• Check list in the Computer.
• Follow up until Saturday (13November 2010) 9:30am (Miss Annie is coming from Korea)

KIA Prestigio 11 seats

• Check the KIA Van.
• Coiling coil problem. RM1,000+++
• Repair RM420 (Aircon only) damn expensive!

Celcom

• Don't forget appointment with Celcom company Manager.
• Need to discuss about Caribbean.

Jasmine Case

• The court case ( Appointment with Piquet Sdn Bhd Company)
• Outside dealing to avoid court. Might need to bring the lawyer as well for assistant and advice.

Cock and Bull.

• Ask for account number.
• Want to bank in money.

Sabah Park.

• Don't forget my appointment with Sabah Park Officer.
• Need to ask about Manukan Island and Sabah Park Area.
• Seaquest Alan.

So, above is my schedule for today....................... Ermmmmm..... Yes! I'm very busy. But still Im happy to be here. Im happy with my work as a personal assistant to a great Korean Lady.. Sometimes, I feel stressed out. Sometimes, I can think of resigning and giving up. But then I think... "Really John.. Is this all you got.. You are given only few little things to solve and you cry like a baby?" Yeah true... when I think even deeply, I know that this is just the beginning. I always think of becoming successful person. But then, how can I be when little thing like these I cant even solve and face. Looking to successful people, we always think that they are so free with their time. Nothing to think about... Money just comes in everyday and all they do is to sit back and relax. But, I think it is not as easy as that. They face even worse condition than what Im facing now (OF COURSE!!) So, I bounce back and stand into position again. I know I can do this. I know someday, that I will become of what I always dream... I will be a very successful man. Amen..

(^_^)

Dear Diary,

So, here we are.. so many people have asked me about so many things about my relationship. I dont really ahve anything to say to them. OF course Im not gonna say that it was fake. BUt then, i was suprised to know that there been some people who actually want to be with me. So, I guess this pretending actually dig the truth out. anyway, I gotta go now. need to go to Ranau again. haissshhh.....

Today...

Dear Diary,

Today was a very funny day for me... I was on the net and one of my old friend from my former school asked me to play "love game" with her.. So, we changed our relationship status on facebook to make people to believe that it was actually true. lol. It tickles my heart seriously cause this so-called girlfriend of mine was actually one grumpy girl I've ever seen in this miserable life of mine. lol. But, There is something in mind right now, honest. Since that we are couple, I think  I should make the best out of it even it is just a "love game" for both of us.

 I think I'll start to bring her out to dine and spend much quality time together. Plus, Im kinda lonely these past few days. So, it's a good thing to do for now. But, anyhow, there is something else roaming around inside my head. It was the "idea/stand" that I said last time that maybe I should not play this "Love Game" again. It might hurt someone someday. I'm pretty sure it's not gonna be me. I'm afraid it's my friend, Far, the girl which I'm playing this game with. I just hope that she wouldn't take it serious when I always bring her out after this.

Lost my temper...

dear diary, i was really mad and angry. and I  just lost my temper. I was mad towards my little bro and sis. I hit them cause it feels like they have been rude. But I accidentally hit my sister's left eye. I regretted it. I love both my little and bro. love them a lot. the way i act last night just made me not a very good brother to  them.

                        **well that's me on the Dusun (Fruits Garden). Hehehe.**

So, I have a lot of things to say. my other Journal has reached 870 followers. I guess, I need to keep writing from now on. Ermm... For now, I'd like to get as many followers here on this blog so that I'll write here as much as I would on my other Journal.

So yeah... this month is the month for fruits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Im sooooo eating all kind of fruits! lol. at the Dusun, I ate 3 Durians, 2 Tarap, tons of Rambutan and Langsat and lots and lots more! FUh! IM soooooooooooo satisfied! lol....

Anyway, last few days my laptop motherboard is burnt down! How amazing! Don't u think it's awesome?! FUh! I went to my friend's house who knows about all this computing stuff and he said I'll be needing to pay maybe 700++ if I'd like to repair my laptop. Well... Well.. Well... I'm totally f*cked Up! and yeah.. I've been learning on how to run a "Business" these days. my dad's is teaching me everything. so I could say, Im pretty busy nowadays. life life life... so tiring but beautiful... =)

and oh yea... I like this song so much. Hope anyone who come to cross this blog would love it as much as I do. =)

I didn't update my blog for a long time. How I miss laying my fingers on my computer keyboards and start typing whatever cross my heart and mind. Well, I wish I would have enough time like before to update my blog. =) Well, this past few days were really busy days for me as my sister keep asking me to accompany her with her Beauty Queen Competition 2010. Glad that everything has finished. The sad thing is she didn't win the competition. =( but it's okay thou.. She would always be the most prettiest girl each of our family members ever known. =) Well, I have become active in going to church lately. Hopefully, I'll would be consistent attending the church - doing my responsible as a christian. and I know I go to church not just out of responsibility, it's also because I really wanted to meet my father in heaven and worship him. =) Well, for non-believers who come might have came across this blog - Don't disrespect believers by arguing over our religion conviction all right? I have met lots of people who sent mails into my inbox and tried to show their intelligence arguing about the matter. yeah. I guess so much for now. I'll update again next time. Have a nice day to all readers. =)

To The Hill...

I went to a village to visit the nature. Somehow, I had a lot of times spent for myself. Today really was an adventurous day as I visited lots of interesting spots to include visiting a mini zoo, swimming at the waterfalls, and eating a lot of fruits at one of the Dusuns in the village. In fact, I still crave for the Fruits there. The villagers were so kind and welcoming. I appreciate my everyday in this small village. I went up to hill and took some times for myself. I reflected to myself and thought much about my future. It’s been a week that I didn’t see your face. I tried to forget you and thought that I would after some times that I took at the hill alone. But, still I can’t even forget you even for a second. Everything that I do reminds me of you. Daimn... One night at the silent hill, I looked up to the sky... I saw the brightest star and I can't stop crying thinking about you. When will I have the chance to meet and see you again? I think I will never meet you again... I grabbed a hold at some bunches of grasses and I can't help myself than to keep my head nodded down while letting the tears streaming down my face. The memory is running in my head like some excited electrons passing through my vein. I took out your printed picture from my right pocket, looked at it, and put it on my chest and felt like hugging you tight. I bent my knees, curved my body and hugged your picture so tight just right at my chest. I stretched my arm and legs, laid down while staring at all the stars. It’s so beautiful. I remember the day I hug you at the beach in the evening with the yellowish skies. That day was perfect. Also, I remember we were lying down that midnight. The feeling was beautiful. It’s almost unbelievable that we saw a shooting star that night and I quickly wished for something while closing tightly my eyes. I could see you were wishing for something too. We looked at each other. I was unsure of what to do and I believe you were the same too... We both felt shy but finally we kissed. Our eyes close, my lips touches yours, as I hug you to my chest. The feeling was pure, and I can feel our kiss was so sweet. It was our first kiss. As we kiss we almost forgotten the world that we didn’t realize a security guard was watching us. It’s a funny moment. I wonder what his feeling is looking at us that time. We went off from that place after that. I would never forget the taste of your lips. It tastes sweet and beautiful. It is one memory I will never forget. Do you know what I wish for when I saw the shooting star? I wish I could hug you, hold your hands, and never have to let go. And I wish I could be by your side till I exhale the last air..... I wish.......... I could marry you........ NOw that you're gone... I wonder if this sweet finger will have the chance to wear a ring...

Laughter...

Personally, I believe that tears are easier to recognise than laughter. You know, you could barely see what a tear means. You could see if it’s tears of happiness or grief. But laughter is different. It looks the same, almost the same. You know... sometimes we just didn’t realize that laughter that someone showed to us in the past was actually the laughter of grief. I came to believe that laughter is the best way to camouflage your sadness inside you. Sometimes... I laugh or smile.... people claimed that I was okay, that I was fine and happy... because I laughed... deep in me, I wish that if only my laughter were true... if only I could laugh like other people that brings a meaning of happiness. Maybe, I'm just too used to hide what inside me... I am trained to do so... I am well-trained to hide whatever fragile feelings one could have. mmpphh... I still remember that once, there is a friend of mine said to me... “You know... sometimes I think you are a robot. You seem to face everything ahead you without worry. Sometimes, it’s even hard for you to show a face of disappointment.” When I flash back to what she said to me last time, I feel so funny. Sadness? Robot? Yeah... maybe I'm some short of robots that took a human form. But one thing I'm sure is, I know well the word “sadness” more than anybody else around me does. 

Sometimes, I think to myself, maybe I should have just showed what I feel. Maybe I should have just cried my heart out the time I really wanted. Maybe, it’s not really that bad to look fragile sometimes. Just maybe... at least once in my lifetime I just need to be a person, a human being. I know all the changes in me are because of things that happened to me since I was still a kid. But, I don't blame anyone or anything for every single thing that happened to me. I don't blame fate, luck, my mum, dad or myself. I believe that there’s someone who struggles more than I outside this boundary do. I believe there are lots more innocent children or even elderly who bear pains more than what I have experienced. So, I just need to be strong. I just need to be thankful to God. I do believe in God. And I know He watch over me always.

There’s something unexpected ahead all these. I believe grace of God is not only in the form of wealth, health, food, clothes, drinks, money, or happiness. I believe it’s also in the form of sadness, death, illness and trials in life. God sometimes gives something even precious than riches and clothes. In my experienced, he gave me strength through the sorrow that happened to me. He gave people new lives through death. He gave something that you can't see with your bare eyes but you can feel with your sixth sense. He gave me an insight towards life that makes me to see this world in different way than other individuals. And what he gave has made me to enjoy my moment on this earth to the fullest. It’s not about money I own and it’s not about vacation that I go. It’s about happiness that I could find even in the hardest situation... It’s about the sweetest smile one could share even if someone broke his heart..............

Meeting and Separation...

So, this is what life is about... meeting and separation. Sometimes I wonder alone... Does it need to be like this? Do people need to part? Is it true that it’s the nature law that no one could escape? Or is it a rule that men created to run away from the blame. My mum and dad separated. Is that really nature law that did that or is that their decision. I think I know the answer... It’s their choice. People don't need to separate. They make reasons to separate. Incompatibility, no more understanding, jealousy... and some other excuses they could formulate. I hate it when people say, “We are not compatible to each other any longer”, “She changed”, or “I'm jealous that he/she meets that another person”. All those reasons are bullshit! It’s okay to be angry and sad sometimes. But I don't see any good reasons for separation.

I thought when you value someone you would accept his/her weakness. Why did you even marry her if you don't trust her that she would not cheat behind you?!!! Why would you even say “I LOVE YOU” when at the end you pushed her far away from you? I don't want any pity from anyone that reads this blog. Since young, I was hoping and believing that I could make a difference in my future. I would not separate with anyone. Even how far she/he is, I will stay in one piece and always remember him/her. Many don't know about me, but I do remember every single friend I have in my life. Everyone that visited by. I do remember every one of them. And I always consider them as my friends forever. I don't mean to brag, but I know I have a vast appreciation towards individuals around me. It’s only they who didn't know about it. Maybe, cause I don't talk much about it. I prefer to bury it deep down in me that no one could ever know what actually I'm feeling at some specific times. I promised to myself once. If someday I have someone special that walked into my life, I’ll make that precious person to feel special every moment I'm with that person. I’ll always treat that one person the best I could as if I'm treating a princess. Cause I appreciate him/her more that he/she could imagine. I’ve seen separation all around me and I’ve been one of its victims.

Things that happened between mum and dad in some way has taught me of how to be a person... of how to have a heart within a heart. I promised there would be no more separation happens in my life. I guess I couldn’t help it. It just happened. Now, I'm all alone. It’s okay. Nobody’s is perfect, and so to everything in this world. Somehow, all the emotional struggles that I’ve been facing years ago have taught me to accept defeat, sadness, disappointment. I know, I'm strong... the only question that always swirl in my head is... ‘How long can I be strong?’ Deep in me, I'm afraid of the day that this immense strength within me would not work anymore... the day when strength alone is not enough to confront the bitter truth...

I Love You...

*I drew this using my lappy. =)*

I believe every one of us recognises this powerful phrase, which is a combination of 3 words that includes a very strong word in the middle, “Love”. It is “I Love You”. The truth is, this magical phrase has been used too much, too many until it lost its magic. It’s true that this phrase brings a new world, a different planet. The declaration of this 3 combination of words could bring someone, a soul to a new dimension of world. It’s the world of magical, the world of dreams, and the world where reality couldn’t enter. It’s the world of two living souls, because it’s the world of the 2 lovers. 

             “I Love You” could carry a promising meaning... There are people who say it with all his heart... Its meaning is ultimate and it bears the meaning until the he exhales the last air. But somehow sometimes this phrase means nothing. It brings an empty meaning. It is a dark void phrase spoken only to satisfy a person or even himself as he intends to get something from someone, which above all sex.

              And there is one more, this “I love you” also is cried by someone who really meant it from the bottom of his heart, only to realize that it is actually a fleeting feeling. He says it with a strong sensation towards someone but the meaning is only temporary. When it is said, the three words were so powerful that it could tear the cloud apart, light up the dark night and it could blast the sun. But then after few days or weeks, the power inside those articulated words cease rapidly which after that it dies; leaving no trace of feeling (love)... One of my friends said that it’s called infatuation. I don't know about you guys. What would you call it? Haha. But I know what I said is true. Everybody knew it. It undeniable, it’s the truth.

              So which one are you? Are you this type of people who say it out of sexual needs? Haha. I believe lotsa of people would answer “Yeah!” Hahaha. But well, it’s your life and I don't wanna interfere with it. It’s okay if you think you just wanna have fun while you are still young. I don't have the right to judge after all. Hahaha. As for me... hmmmpphh... let’s just keep that as a secret all right? Hahaha. Only mighty God knows. =P 

So, the tips for today is.. If u have your sugar bottle filled with ants, smash a garlic and put it inside the bottle. Leave it for a minute and all the ants will crawl out from the bottle itself. (^_^)

So much for now. See ya next time (^_^)

Chapter 1: The Runaway...

14 February, 1999, Sabah. – I’m scared. We’ve got to get out from this house, otherwise there will be blood paint on this house walls; and I can see bruises on mum’s face and whole body. Mum’s bruises and wounds seem severe as I look up from beneath my sister fluffy pink bed, hiding. That man outside walking around yelling at all of us. I can hear him waving his knife violently against the bedroom’s door, forcing to open the locked door. I descend my body deeper into my sister bed. BOOM! My 15 years old, oldest sister, Atie jumps out from the windows of the bedroom from the 1st floor and hits the ground. She runs as fast as she can to seek for help from the nearest neighbours. It’s too late. The door opened.

          SMACK! That man hits mum on the shoulder with his left fist and she topples to the floor. My older brother who is 13 years old coming from the corner of the bedroom seizes that man right hand that holds a knife and begs for pardon. Kuya cries so bad and begs the man to release his knife, afraid that it might slash mum. The man let go the knife, waves his hand and pushes Kuya against the wall. He takes that act from Kuya as an act of defiance, which mean more hits. Kuya regains poster holding back his tears, as the berserk man screams “You wanna fight me?” while hitting hard Kuya’s face and body several times. I freeze under the bed refusing to move a single muscle.
 

        I can see my 11 years old sister, Etil crying hard while assisting my mum to be on her feet again. Without dropping a single tear, mum with strength inside her looks at that man’s devil eyes. I pray hard, "Please God", I say to myself, "just let us get out from this house". Kuya is trying his best to keep away that man from getting closer to mum. That man murmurs something and another blow pushed Kuya’s head against the tile counter top. I can hear people stomping down the staircase up towards this 1st floor bedroom. Just the second I see my aunt’s face in front the bedroom’s door, I run out from my hiding place towards my sister and mum. Somehow I breathe a sigh of relief. My sister, Atie also there is standing just right besides my aunt, crying really hard. Atie shouts painfully “Papa, please... That’s enough”. Aunt Mercilyn hugs Papa from the back. With a soft tone aunt Mercylin tries to calm down Papa and brings him outside the room.

         My sister Etil quickly grabs mum’s right hand and leads her out from Atie’s bedroom. I follow as I hold mum’s left hand. I tremble with great fear when I look at that man’s eyes; the eye of a killer, the eye of no-sympathy. It was once an eye of a loving father; a very caring and funny husband to my mum. He seems to have lost his soul and no longer reminds of himself.

I'm Sorry... But I don't want to be just like you...

11:04pm Friday, 21 May, 2010.

So, finally it ended that my blog is “the shoulder” that I lean to at times I feel like crying. I am so burden... Its 2:44a now and I still can't sleep. After what happened at 11:04pm, which is hours ago, I really can't close my eyes and rest down my body. It’s a time I will not forget. A time my heart bleed, a time my brain worried. I trembled down to earth thinking of what have I said and done hours ago. I’m so sorry and I didn’t mean it. In fact, I never meant to do it. Now I don't know to whom should I say and cry my heart out. It seems to be only this blog could understand me. It seems like this blog is the only person I would really say about what I really do feel...
 

I know I need this blog. I feel so miserable. Bad like I’ve never been bad before. Bad like I'm should buried alive.. I'm sorry God. I'm so sorry... I never meant to bring this over the limit. I just crossed the boundary. I'm so sorry. I couldn’t say anything more. I even couldn’t express myself now. I'm just so sorry. I'm been bad, really bad...
 

Now God.. I pray for a heartening from you... I know I don't deserve anything from you... I don't.... I'm a rock-headed and a sick-hearted type of person. I am a bad man. God, if I have the chance, please stop this stream that’s non-stop falling down from my eyes to my cheeks... I can't take it any longer... after years of struggling not to cry finally I cried. Its the second time since 8 years ago. Its the second time... Maybe, I'm just too fragile... I need to be stronger after this. I won't cry again, I promised to myself. But for now God, I know even I cannot stop this stream of tears... It’s too painful... Too painful that I couldn’t hide and hold back my tears. I'm sorry... I'm just sorry...

I won't forget this day like I never forget those other important days of my life... too much happening... It is too much for me to comprehend... I'm sorry.... I'm just so sorry......................It’s 3:05am.. I don't know what should I do now... I'm lost...

A Friendship...

I never even met that person before. But, that one person succeeded to make a different.. lol. *I'm not being emotional! Hahaha. No I'm not.. lol.. I'm just being myself... This is my blog so I'm gonna say anything I want! anything that my heart felt... Pain, happiness, bitterness and everything..... Hmmpphh.. you touched me you know... lol. But do not be afraid. I'm stronger inside me because of my past and I'll smile cause I know, I deserve happiness in my life. I'm responsible for my own happiness.. It was nice talking to you... Hey... I never said, I fall for you.. lol... It is just, I appreciate you so much as someone. who I call a friend... After what we shared, after the secret you told me and after my I told mine, I think, that's more than enough to call you as someone who is precious in my life.. A person I consider as my friend. (^_^)

"Friendship doesn't need time, all it needs are a honest eye, a helpful hand, an understanding mind, and a caring heart. If those exist in between you, then you are good friends no matter how short was the time for you both to get to know each other."

This song is for you dear friend...

Here is 4 websites which enable people to download music for free legally. 

• Last.fm
• Amazon.com Store 
• ReMix Music
• International Music 

Hey.. The websites may not satisfy you.. But, at least you have some! Be Thankful.. Hehehe. =P

(@-@) Til Next Time...

Today...
I came to know quite few friends. But there this one friend that I would never forget

MySpace...

Wiew, @_@
Few hours ago, I was totally bored and didn't know what to do. So, I opened my Myspace account and start exploring on how to use Myspace. Actually, I just opened my myspace few months ago and I haven't checked my Myspace account for quite a long time until just now. I don't really know how to use Myspace before, that's why! Hehehe.. But hey! Now I know already! Hehehehe.. I browsed for some applications on Myspace and added them to my profile. Hey, does anyone know how to apply Music application to your very own profile? I still don't know how.. I tried just now, but I need to buy the "song" or a "playlist" 1st before I can play it on my profile.. Does anyone know any mp3 player application which is "free" to use?? Hehehehe.. Please tell me if you know something about it. Drop me comments.

Here is a quick video from YouTube which I think is quite funny for me.. I mean, it is funny! Enjoy! =D

My friend tell me some info about search engines which are quite interesting.. These Search Engines show images when you browse for something. Hope this little info could help you to have a better internet-browsing experience.. Hehehe.

•   Space Time 3D
•   Middle Spot

(^_^) Till next time...

Here some videos to brighten up your day...

I'm laughing.. And I can't stop laughing.. OMG, Help me! This videos are just overwhelmingly hilarious! I'm going nuts.. Hahaha..

Here some videos to brighten up your day.

Today... It's My Birthday Again...

Today,
It's my birthday again,
Just when the clock strikes 12:00, the ring bell is the sign the door to a new age has opened.
Today from yesterday - something's changing,
 I can start over for sure,

This 20 years of living,
I lived within a beautiful family,
I've mate many good friends,
I've seen the wonders of the world,

This 20 years of living,
I remember every sweet memory that made my life shines,
I remember every sadness that made my heart to be strong,
Hey family, friends and enemies... I'll never forget those memories...

Now,
I have my wish to be fulfilled,
I will sail and ride the huge waves of the sea,
I will walk and travel the road not taken,
Toward a boundless and everlasting dream,
I will collect and complete the fragments of my dream,
And it'll become the map of my tomorrow,
I just wonder how far I can go...

Now,
Is the time for departure, so I raise my anchor,
I wanna cut the seven coloured wind,
and head for the sea of adventures,
It's gonna be a journey full of injuries,
But, I'll get what is waiting at the end,

Now and after,
I will always carry the sun in my heart,
so that, every time a storm comes, I'll shine my day with the light of my heart again...

My Bloody April Fool..

 6:00pm, Center Point- My hand-phone rings. I received a call from my mom. I am supposed to get into the cinema hall by now, because the movie Clash of Titans is starting.

"Maybe, I should pick my mom call first, who knows it might be important". So pick I up the phone.

"John, where are you?!! Go down now and meet me at McDonald!" My mom spoke in panic.

The way my mom says it fright me a bit and I'm afraid something bad has happened but I try to stay in calm. Quickly, I leave the cinema hall at Growball and run swiftly to the Center Point basement and meet my mom. We were still standing in the middle of people when she said,

"Give me your phone. My phone is dead!" So I give it to her.

"Atie, your dad involved in a car accident!" My mom say it to my oldest sister on the phone. I am a bit stunt when she said that my dad got a car accident. "But he is fine and not injured. fetch him up now okay?" My mom continued.

My mom say so, because luckily my sister, Atie went to Ranau this morning. After few minutes my sister called back and told us that she found my dad standing near his smashed black Kancil with the brand new Viva at the middle of the road. They also told us that they heading to the nearest police station to report the accident. We feel a bit relief after we listen to what my sister told us. So, we went back home afterward.

My dad say to my mom while they were on the phone just now. "So this is my April Fool Surprise..."

Stupid Answer...

Ok...Let me tell you guys something.. I went to Bank Simpanan National (BSN) at Karamunsing today.. I went there to buy UPU ( I don't know what's the full name for UPU, so do not ask me! Hehehe )..

So, I say to the lady at the counter..

Me: Ehem.. ehem.. I wanna buy UPU form miss..

Lady: Can I have the form in your hands please?

Me: Yeah sure...

Lady: Let me key in your number in the system and check it for you..

Me: Alright..

Lady: It says, "Invalid number".. Oh no.. I can't key in your number.

Me: *Thinking( Wth??? Hey!!! I walked hundreds of miles just to buy my UPU form! You better give it to me before I lay this big smooth right hand over your pink face!!*.... Actually that was what I wanna say.. But what comes out of my mouth was

 Me: Ouw.. ok.. Ermm.. Sorry.. I'll come back next time.. Thank you miss.. ( Hahaahaa.. Oh Gosh! How coward I am! Na.. I'm not coward, I'm just a very kind and nice guy left in this pathetic world.. Everyone knows that! *peace)

So.. anyway after that I left with a broken heart... =( Pretty sad story huh?? I know... I know..Hahaha..

What's is even sad actually happened to me late in the afternoon.. I was at the KFC ( my favorite restaurant! Yay! I like to sit my lazy bum at Bandaran KFC chair.. So yeah.. Hit me up there sometimes people.. *wink.

So, back to our story.. Sorry, my story actually... So, I was surfing the net after I get my tummy fulled.. And while I was still surfing the net, facebooking, tagging, friendstering.... There these two big white men sitting just right next to me! well, Of course I ignored them cause they are not my friends.. Hehehe..But, they are getting annoying and more annoying later on.. They were laughing like the whole world was theirs...  But, their jokes weren't that bad after all.. In fact, it almost horse laugh when I listen to their jokes! Hahahaa.. Extremely funny! Then, my one of my friends call me through the phone.. As I speak English........................ Both of them ( the white men started to stare at me!) Gosh! I can see you both are staring at me!

Then after I finished talking with my friend one of the guy says these to me.

White man 1: Hi there... You speak English very well!

Me: Ouw.. thank you very much... *If you see all my essays, you won't say so..

White man 1: Yeah.. Anyway, we are just staying near here, maybe we can hang out plus we are really bored now.

Me: Yeah...I'll think about it ( with a smile on my pathetic face! ) * WTf????? I'll think about it????? what Am I saying??? Ouw Gawd!!! I'm such a stupid cow! What kind of answer was that???

White man 1: Ouw.. Then it's okay.. Ermm.. we're leaving now.. See you then.. * See me then???????? Ouw Okay.. To be honest.. YOU CANNOT see me again!! This will be our first and last meeting since I we know we will not meet each other again! Aaawww.. They give even stupider answer than me! HA.HA! We're even!

 So, guys.. Please tell me.. Have you ever had this situation before where you answer stupidly?? Or what's the most stupid answer you have ever said to someone you do not know before? Click the comment below and please tell me guys.. Alright.. See you guys in my next stupid essay.. 

Have a nice day (^_^)

Enjoy...

Sunday, 14 March, 2010 – I catch a fever and it sucks a lot. I had this fever maybe because I did not eat at proper time. Anyhow, I am quite happy because I enjoyed my days lately. I started to join all my friends do activities and having new friends like the old time. We watched movies, ate appetizing food and went to KBox (Karaoke). Around 7:00pm in the evening, we went to a restaurant by the vast beautiful sea at Jesselton Point. It was so lovely to be there, drinking soda while ogling the sea. It was calming and tranquil. Sitting right over there makes me to stop thinking concerning all my problems that were bugging me for a while. And of course I took a number of pictures too. =)

I did lots of activities after that, and that what makes me to wake up late and do not take my breakfast. Then, the next day (which was yesterday), I got a fever. Congratulations Cruzzo. =)

My Father's Death Anniversary...

 I woke up early today. I lay awake in the dark and think about the past. I could not find my wristwatch to see what time is it now. Surely, it is still dawn; the cloud is still dark and brown. I know today is my father’s one year of death anniversary. I gazed outside the closed plain and transparent glass windows for a moment, capturing a glimpse at every small creation I could barely see; the butterflies look as if they are flying around merrily, the bees are busy entering the flowers’ petals to collect sweets and honey and the birds are singing joyfully ready to start their day. “The living room would not be a fine spot to be at today.” I think to myself.

                   
                   Sometimes, I reflect to myself that we, human beings will know how to value something only when that something is already gone. I had lost a lot of precious things in my life and I regretted it. It is useless to think of “If only.. If only I could change.. If only I could turn back time.. If only I had shown my appreciation towards him/her.. If only...” because what is gone will forever gone. Moment will only pass once and that’s it. I decided that I would never say that phrase again. I want to learn to appreciate my mom who is still with me now, my two big beautiful sisters, my older and younger brothers and my dearly treasured friends who never ran away from me even I always ran away from them. You could never predict what would come about next, so start appreciating everything while you can.

Memoirs...

Hmmpph... If truth to be told, I missed them so much...
I changed very much... didn’t I?
Farlinah Waty...
A name I could barely never forget...
She was the most gorgeous girl in the school back then... sigh...
She was appealing and pleasant...
Masnih...
Hmmpph..
I missed her smiles a lot...
Just thinking of her smile drives me nuts...
She was just right. A perfect being to giggle with, share things with, and heed jokes together...
I have pooled my heart to them...
She was part of me and I was part of her...
How lofty is she now? I bet she is really tall these days... hehe
Shit... She must be taller than me...
I can’t deem that I'm here.. In a strange place...
A very strange place...
Sigh... All the memories are killing me...
At the same time it’s my medicine...
Without it, I can’t exist...
It’s my poison and my tablets...
When it hits, I often drop tears and craft a smile...
So bizarre... yeah, it is eerie...
Well, only I could comprehend it...
I loved them so much... That’s all I desire to cry...
I smile... You know why, as I know they will smile for me too...

A thought to think...

Now I just realize about something. Maybe, I should take things easy. I got a story to share.

From the very forth of a Once-Upon-A-Time, there is this very friendly guy. He talks to everyone and love to make people (at least) smile. But, some people just don't see things like the way he sees it, because they didn't walk the same journey as he does. And yet, they are very judgmental towards him. His close friends are not to be excluded.

Because it hurts him so bad that people teased him and judged him for the way he is. He changed into somebody else. All the laugh has faded, and there is no body to start a joke already.

There is a time, when your close friend changed into somebody else. He will never attempt people to smile or laugh like he used to do before. Tell him that you have missed his joke a lot before it is too late. because there is a point where your will never get your 'old' friend again.