Meeting and Separation...

So, this is what life is about... meeting and separation. Sometimes I wonder alone... Does it need to be like this? Do people need to part? Is it true that it’s the nature law that no one could escape? Or is it a rule that men created to run away from the blame. My mum and dad separated. Is that really nature law that did that or is that their decision. I think I know the answer... It’s their choice. People don't need to separate. They make reasons to separate. Incompatibility, no more understanding, jealousy... and some other excuses they could formulate. I hate it when people say, “We are not compatible to each other any longer”, “She changed”, or “I'm jealous that he/she meets that another person”. All those reasons are bullshit! It’s okay to be angry and sad sometimes. But I don't see any good reasons for separation.

I thought when you value someone you would accept his/her weakness. Why did you even marry her if you don't trust her that she would not cheat behind you?!!! Why would you even say “I LOVE YOU” when at the end you pushed her far away from you? I don't want any pity from anyone that reads this blog. Since young, I was hoping and believing that I could make a difference in my future. I would not separate with anyone. Even how far she/he is, I will stay in one piece and always remember him/her. Many don't know about me, but I do remember every single friend I have in my life. Everyone that visited by. I do remember every one of them. And I always consider them as my friends forever. I don't mean to brag, but I know I have a vast appreciation towards individuals around me. It’s only they who didn't know about it. Maybe, cause I don't talk much about it. I prefer to bury it deep down in me that no one could ever know what actually I'm feeling at some specific times. I promised to myself once. If someday I have someone special that walked into my life, I’ll make that precious person to feel special every moment I'm with that person. I’ll always treat that one person the best I could as if I'm treating a princess. Cause I appreciate him/her more that he/she could imagine. I’ve seen separation all around me and I’ve been one of its victims.

Things that happened between mum and dad in some way has taught me of how to be a person... of how to have a heart within a heart. I promised there would be no more separation happens in my life. I guess I couldn’t help it. It just happened. Now, I'm all alone. It’s okay. Nobody’s is perfect, and so to everything in this world. Somehow, all the emotional struggles that I’ve been facing years ago have taught me to accept defeat, sadness, disappointment. I know, I'm strong... the only question that always swirl in my head is... ‘How long can I be strong?’ Deep in me, I'm afraid of the day that this immense strength within me would not work anymore... the day when strength alone is not enough to confront the bitter truth...

I Love You...

*I drew this using my lappy. =)*

I believe every one of us recognises this powerful phrase, which is a combination of 3 words that includes a very strong word in the middle, “Love”. It is “I Love You”. The truth is, this magical phrase has been used too much, too many until it lost its magic. It’s true that this phrase brings a new world, a different planet. The declaration of this 3 combination of words could bring someone, a soul to a new dimension of world. It’s the world of magical, the world of dreams, and the world where reality couldn’t enter. It’s the world of two living souls, because it’s the world of the 2 lovers. 

             “I Love You” could carry a promising meaning... There are people who say it with all his heart... Its meaning is ultimate and it bears the meaning until the he exhales the last air. But somehow sometimes this phrase means nothing. It brings an empty meaning. It is a dark void phrase spoken only to satisfy a person or even himself as he intends to get something from someone, which above all sex.

              And there is one more, this “I love you” also is cried by someone who really meant it from the bottom of his heart, only to realize that it is actually a fleeting feeling. He says it with a strong sensation towards someone but the meaning is only temporary. When it is said, the three words were so powerful that it could tear the cloud apart, light up the dark night and it could blast the sun. But then after few days or weeks, the power inside those articulated words cease rapidly which after that it dies; leaving no trace of feeling (love)... One of my friends said that it’s called infatuation. I don't know about you guys. What would you call it? Haha. But I know what I said is true. Everybody knew it. It undeniable, it’s the truth.

              So which one are you? Are you this type of people who say it out of sexual needs? Haha. I believe lotsa of people would answer “Yeah!” Hahaha. But well, it’s your life and I don't wanna interfere with it. It’s okay if you think you just wanna have fun while you are still young. I don't have the right to judge after all. Hahaha. As for me... hmmmpphh... let’s just keep that as a secret all right? Hahaha. Only mighty God knows. =P 

So, the tips for today is.. If u have your sugar bottle filled with ants, smash a garlic and put it inside the bottle. Leave it for a minute and all the ants will crawl out from the bottle itself. (^_^)

So much for now. See ya next time (^_^)

Chapter 1: The Runaway...

14 February, 1999, Sabah. – I’m scared. We’ve got to get out from this house, otherwise there will be blood paint on this house walls; and I can see bruises on mum’s face and whole body. Mum’s bruises and wounds seem severe as I look up from beneath my sister fluffy pink bed, hiding. That man outside walking around yelling at all of us. I can hear him waving his knife violently against the bedroom’s door, forcing to open the locked door. I descend my body deeper into my sister bed. BOOM! My 15 years old, oldest sister, Atie jumps out from the windows of the bedroom from the 1st floor and hits the ground. She runs as fast as she can to seek for help from the nearest neighbours. It’s too late. The door opened.

          SMACK! That man hits mum on the shoulder with his left fist and she topples to the floor. My older brother who is 13 years old coming from the corner of the bedroom seizes that man right hand that holds a knife and begs for pardon. Kuya cries so bad and begs the man to release his knife, afraid that it might slash mum. The man let go the knife, waves his hand and pushes Kuya against the wall. He takes that act from Kuya as an act of defiance, which mean more hits. Kuya regains poster holding back his tears, as the berserk man screams “You wanna fight me?” while hitting hard Kuya’s face and body several times. I freeze under the bed refusing to move a single muscle.
 

        I can see my 11 years old sister, Etil crying hard while assisting my mum to be on her feet again. Without dropping a single tear, mum with strength inside her looks at that man’s devil eyes. I pray hard, "Please God", I say to myself, "just let us get out from this house". Kuya is trying his best to keep away that man from getting closer to mum. That man murmurs something and another blow pushed Kuya’s head against the tile counter top. I can hear people stomping down the staircase up towards this 1st floor bedroom. Just the second I see my aunt’s face in front the bedroom’s door, I run out from my hiding place towards my sister and mum. Somehow I breathe a sigh of relief. My sister, Atie also there is standing just right besides my aunt, crying really hard. Atie shouts painfully “Papa, please... That’s enough”. Aunt Mercilyn hugs Papa from the back. With a soft tone aunt Mercylin tries to calm down Papa and brings him outside the room.

         My sister Etil quickly grabs mum’s right hand and leads her out from Atie’s bedroom. I follow as I hold mum’s left hand. I tremble with great fear when I look at that man’s eyes; the eye of a killer, the eye of no-sympathy. It was once an eye of a loving father; a very caring and funny husband to my mum. He seems to have lost his soul and no longer reminds of himself.

I'm Sorry... But I don't want to be just like you...

11:04pm Friday, 21 May, 2010.

So, finally it ended that my blog is “the shoulder” that I lean to at times I feel like crying. I am so burden... Its 2:44a now and I still can't sleep. After what happened at 11:04pm, which is hours ago, I really can't close my eyes and rest down my body. It’s a time I will not forget. A time my heart bleed, a time my brain worried. I trembled down to earth thinking of what have I said and done hours ago. I’m so sorry and I didn’t mean it. In fact, I never meant to do it. Now I don't know to whom should I say and cry my heart out. It seems to be only this blog could understand me. It seems like this blog is the only person I would really say about what I really do feel...
 

I know I need this blog. I feel so miserable. Bad like I’ve never been bad before. Bad like I'm should buried alive.. I'm sorry God. I'm so sorry... I never meant to bring this over the limit. I just crossed the boundary. I'm so sorry. I couldn’t say anything more. I even couldn’t express myself now. I'm just so sorry. I'm been bad, really bad...
 

Now God.. I pray for a heartening from you... I know I don't deserve anything from you... I don't.... I'm a rock-headed and a sick-hearted type of person. I am a bad man. God, if I have the chance, please stop this stream that’s non-stop falling down from my eyes to my cheeks... I can't take it any longer... after years of struggling not to cry finally I cried. Its the second time since 8 years ago. Its the second time... Maybe, I'm just too fragile... I need to be stronger after this. I won't cry again, I promised to myself. But for now God, I know even I cannot stop this stream of tears... It’s too painful... Too painful that I couldn’t hide and hold back my tears. I'm sorry... I'm just sorry...

I won't forget this day like I never forget those other important days of my life... too much happening... It is too much for me to comprehend... I'm sorry.... I'm just so sorry......................It’s 3:05am.. I don't know what should I do now... I'm lost...

A Friendship...

I never even met that person before. But, that one person succeeded to make a different.. lol. *I'm not being emotional! Hahaha. No I'm not.. lol.. I'm just being myself... This is my blog so I'm gonna say anything I want! anything that my heart felt... Pain, happiness, bitterness and everything..... Hmmpphh.. you touched me you know... lol. But do not be afraid. I'm stronger inside me because of my past and I'll smile cause I know, I deserve happiness in my life. I'm responsible for my own happiness.. It was nice talking to you... Hey... I never said, I fall for you.. lol... It is just, I appreciate you so much as someone. who I call a friend... After what we shared, after the secret you told me and after my I told mine, I think, that's more than enough to call you as someone who is precious in my life.. A person I consider as my friend. (^_^)

"Friendship doesn't need time, all it needs are a honest eye, a helpful hand, an understanding mind, and a caring heart. If those exist in between you, then you are good friends no matter how short was the time for you both to get to know each other."

This song is for you dear friend...

Here is 4 websites which enable people to download music for free legally. 

• Last.fm
• Amazon.com Store 
• ReMix Music
• International Music 

Hey.. The websites may not satisfy you.. But, at least you have some! Be Thankful.. Hehehe. =P

(@-@) Til Next Time...

Today...
I came to know quite few friends. But there this one friend that I would never forget

MySpace...

Wiew, @_@
Few hours ago, I was totally bored and didn't know what to do. So, I opened my Myspace account and start exploring on how to use Myspace. Actually, I just opened my myspace few months ago and I haven't checked my Myspace account for quite a long time until just now. I don't really know how to use Myspace before, that's why! Hehehe.. But hey! Now I know already! Hehehehe.. I browsed for some applications on Myspace and added them to my profile. Hey, does anyone know how to apply Music application to your very own profile? I still don't know how.. I tried just now, but I need to buy the "song" or a "playlist" 1st before I can play it on my profile.. Does anyone know any mp3 player application which is "free" to use?? Hehehehe.. Please tell me if you know something about it. Drop me comments.

Here is a quick video from YouTube which I think is quite funny for me.. I mean, it is funny! Enjoy! =D

My friend tell me some info about search engines which are quite interesting.. These Search Engines show images when you browse for something. Hope this little info could help you to have a better internet-browsing experience.. Hehehe.

•   Space Time 3D
•   Middle Spot

(^_^) Till next time...